CONTENTS: One (1) Generic Sex Humor Thread


#11

A shipwreck occurred, only Scarlett Johansson and some random dude survived on a deserted island.

They didn’t know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was… At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasn’t anybody else in the island… He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier… it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this.

One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life.

But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed… “What’s wrong?” Scarlett Johansson asked, “Nothing…” the guy would say… She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn’t asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him.

“Really?, you’ll do anything I’d like?” “yes” she said “anything!” “OK, first i want you to take off your toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore” “OK…” “Now put this shirt on please, but first, “tape” your boobs so they are flat” “Wha… ok, I’d say I’d do anything” she said lovingly. “Ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it” she was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tuck her hair under the hat. “Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache” “OK… if this is what you want…” she muttered. “now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach ill catch up to you in a bit” he said a bit excited.

She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn’t her, maybe it was h… Suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: “DUDE!!! you wont believe who I’ve been having sex with for the past 6 months!”


#12

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/p480x480/17862487_1412187475507905_8424476444623985183_n.jpg?oh=b05924fe97e3b6e3f2f02664b82ace88&oe=5998B656


#13

such a waste.

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17990685_10159649530410206_8300409749865472236_n.jpg?oh=67bb56cd31959d5e900d9328ea594cbb&oe=598F05AA


#14

#15

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, “What a great chest you have!”

He tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.”

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,’ “What massive calves you have!” The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.”

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!”


#16


#17

#18


#19


#20

#21

A man and woman were having sex and the woman was dissatisfied

Woman : You know, this wasn’t what I expected when you said you were magical in bed
The man takes out a deck of cards and pulls out a ten of hearts
Man : And is this your card?
Woman : Holy shit


#22

#23

https://scontent.ford1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/21686187_10208339357556053_1255603732019848232_n.jpg?oh=7d41f01fc774c89091e62e734129843c&oe=5A54BD37


#24


#25

So where is the measuring tape for the forensic evidence?


#26

What do you call a student who graduated at the top of her class and who screams during sex?

Cum Laude


#27

#28

Just another dad joke

WIFE: I have a couple important announcements…First: I’m pregnant

HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad

WIFE: Second: No you’re not


#29

Did you hear about the two gay ghosts?
They gave each other the willies


#30

This chick looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said," Is that Corona or Heineken??"

I said, “There’s a tap underneath; taste it and find out”


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, “If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you’d look all right”

I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you”


I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, “Nice legs”

The girl giggled and said with a smile, “Do you really think so”

I said “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now”


I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

“Really” she said, “Go on then…try…”

After about thirty minutes of fondling, she began to lose patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born ??”

I said, “On your birthday”


I asked a Prostitute: “How Much For A Hand Job ??”

Lady: “2500 Do You Want One ?”

I : “No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self”