How do I get a 2800 fide rating fast in chess? I am a new player


#1

Do you believe in re-incarnation?

If you do, there is hope!

First you devote your current life to chess.

Starting right now you will now devote at least 8 hours a day, every day, 7 days a week, 52.25 weeks a year to chess.

You will do this for the rest of your life until you die from old age.

Depending on your brainskills and talent you will perhaps be able to reach 2100ish in elo rating until you die. If you are lucky.

With your next life, you will come with a mild talent for chess, maybe you can have 2000+ by the age of 15 or so.

Since chess is (again) your one and only interest in life you will study and play no less than 8–10 hours of chess per day, every single day for the rest of your life no 2.

But this time you will make greater progress. Your devotion and talent will bring you to GM (grand master) level and you will be able to play between 2500 and 2600 Elo rating. Remember: 100 points more means twice as good!

After many years you will grow old and die. Now comes life 3.

Now with your devotion to chess so great that you are willing to spend 3 lifetimes of training, no less, you will be born as a chess prodigie. By the age of 10 you will be above 2000 and by the age of 15 you will be IM (international master).

Chess will be your career choice and now you are making enough from chess that you can in fact earn a living with it. You will also be able to have a somewhat normal life with spending only 6–8 hours a day, every day, with chess.

When you hit GM by the age of 18 and you are staring to play the professional players in the 2600–2800 range you realize how little you know about chess openings and end-games. You will reach 2700, maybe 2750 at your peak.

You will be good, very, very good but you are just somehow not able to beat the big guys. You are able to place top 20 but (almost) never top 3 making you one of the lesser super-GMs. How frustrating after 3 life times!

Well you are not a man to give up easily! In lifetime 4 and 5 you give your very best but somehow it seems impossible for you to break the 2800 barrier but at least you manage to win a candidates and are able to challenge the word champion in lifetime 5. You lost 5:2 but at least you did try.

In lifetime 6 you can play chess before you can walk. You know the first 15 moves of every single opening before age 8. Your eyes are now squared and have an increased sensibility for black and white. You can play blindfolded against 20 people and win all 20 matches. You are one of the top 10 super-GMs in the world and you just recently won the world championship. That was the day when you have reached your goal (2800 elo) you set so long ago.

6 lifetimes - fast enough?


#2

One can only do 52.25 weeks in a leap year.


#3

Duh!,

He only gets reincarnated in leap years