New Math
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The ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
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2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
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1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
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Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
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Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
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Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
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16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
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Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
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1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
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Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
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Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
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453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
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1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
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2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
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365.25 days = 1 unicycle
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2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
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52 cards = 1 decacards
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1 kilogram of figs falling at 9.8 m/sec2 = 1 FigNewton
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1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
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1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
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1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
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10 rations = 1 decoration
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100 rations = 1 C-ration
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2 monograms = 1 diagram
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4 nickels = 2 paradigms
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2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
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100 Senators = Not 1 decision
Escher staircase
what kind of fucking sorcery is this?!
The engineer’s wife left a note for him to help prepare dinner that evening:
“The Shepherd’s Pie needs to be taken out of the freezer, and placed in the oven at 140 degrees.”
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It’s bullshit
There is a fine line between numerator and denominator
but only a fraction of people will get the joke
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The rancher had 196 cows
But when he rounded them up he had 200
Now that’s funny but where is page 62.5 - the best fib of all
Why do adolescent white girls travel in 3’s?
Because they can’t even.
Never trust people with graph paper. They’re plotting something.
I am working on The imbedding problem for Riemannian manifolds.
In grade school, I had a math teacher named Mrs. Baker…
To this day, I do not understand why she tried to teach us that 6 + 6 equals 13.
Yeah, I had to steal that. Sorry, not sorry.