The Priest had to run, so he had his assistant take confessions. The assistant had never done so, so he had a cheat-sheet of the requisite penances for certain transgressions.
First guy comes in -- "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been six months. I had impure thoughts about my neighbor, and watched online p0arn twice."
The associate looks at his chart and says "OK, that'll be 2 Hail Marys and 3 Our Fathers. Your sins are forgiven."
First guy leaves, second guy comes in -- " I took extra hotdogs from my neighbor's BBQ without telling him, and have been using his WiFi."
Associate: "That's 3 Hail Marys and one Our Father. Go in peace."
Third guy: " I met my secretary at a hotel and we exchanged oral sex".
The associate cannot find this on his chart, so he asks the man to wait while he excuses himself for a moment. After searching for the Priest for some time, he happens upon an acolyte and asks "What are you supposed to get for oral sex?"
The acolyte answers "Usually ten bucks and a candy bar."