If I could like that one a million times I would.
I call my wife Bambi
She thinks it’s because she’s cute with big brown eyes. But it’s really because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.
A wife is like a hand grenade …
remove the ring and half your house is gone
"I had a strange dream last night. I dreamed I was at a penis auction. Long penises were going for $100 and thick penises were going for $300.”
The husband asked, "What would mine go for?”
The wife replied, "They were giving ones like yours away for free.”
The husband said, "I also had a dream last night about an auction where they were selling juicy vaginas for $500 and tight vaginas for $1,000.”
“How about mine?” the wife asked and the husband replied, "That was where they were holding the auction.”
My wife asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
Made love to my wife for an hour and 2 minutes last night
Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn’t have done it without you.
My wife said I was lousy in the bedroom department, but she doesn’t realize how difficult it was to keep an erection with the store manager shouting at me.
Friend: “After 20 years of marriage, sex is down to three times a year.”
Me: “Same here. In fact, if my wife didn’t sleep with her mouth open, I’d get none at all.”
I s my wife ashamed of my body?
A tiny part of me says yes.
If a man with a foot fetish cheated on his wife…
Does that mean he got off on the wrong foot?
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve
heard colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with Balls.
Do they however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British
Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere? "
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: “You’re next, Chubby”
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome; both are fatal.
My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn’t working, goodbye.”
I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.
Aha i thought this rang a bell.