Golf Quotes:
Three over today! One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool…
~ Baseball Hall of Famer George Brett
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Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula and I took a 7 to do that.
~ Sportswriter Jim Murray
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The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play a bad lie.
~ Baseball Hall of Famer Mickey Mantle
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Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them.
~ Actor Kevin Costner
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I don’t fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par.
~ PGA Golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez
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After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
~ PGA Golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez
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The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Tom Weiskopf
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My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson
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Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner… and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny
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There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan
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Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you’re the best.
~ Jack Nicklaus
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The Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham
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If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
~ Bob Hope
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake in a sand trap.
~ Henny Youngman
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If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball
~ Jack Lemmon
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You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives Both of them are so rich that neither of their husband’s work.
~ Lee Trevino
Ear the Word of the LORD.
but… he’s not wearing khakis!
Biden has won so many times in Michigan now, he’s legally required to change his name to Ohio State.
Hi Yo meme
Actual tweet deleted by NFL team for political reasons (crossp0asted in “Biden beats Trump” political thread)
It was pointed out to me elsewhere, that the Southern version of this quip goes:
Biden has won so many times in Georgia now, he’s legally required to change his name to Alabama.
I invented a new golf ball for amateurs that will automatically go in if you get it within four inches of the hole.
Disclaimer: Do not carry it in your back pocket!