Tasteless but still funny


#241

It was our anniversary last week.

My wife asked me if I wanted oral sex or a new pair of shoes. I went head over heels.


#242

#243

The dentist pulls out a Novocain needle to give the man a shot, so he can extract the man’s tooth. ‘No way! No needles. I hate needles’ the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me! The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to t…aking a pill. ‘No objection,’ the patient says. ‘I’m fine with pills.’

The dentist then returns and says, Here’s a Viagra tablet.’

The patient says, ‘Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!’

It doesn’t’ said the dentist, ‘but it’s going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.’

==

I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp.

How was I to know she was talking about walking?


#244

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15672885_10210267988048589_3194916867005829181_n.jpg?oh=6a10a610e8f40ef55518fd1451080929&oe=58DC8438


#245

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15621646_918668594937332_1148042844509825777_n.jpg?oh=c51c1e33009e22dd46a663ce1797146e&oe=58E20F02


#246

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/s480x480/15622437_736935423148162_4411801017021600882_n.jpg?oh=131cf5f62f9688de1de97bc1a2805f36&oe=58E5A3EA

(/roast me is a thing, people post selfies with little signs asking to be roasted, then hilarity ensues.I think it’s from 4chan)

For ex.


#247

That event would be a gas!

.

(Too soon?)


#248

#249

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain…

She can’t speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt & show her thighs to enable the seller understand her… This went on for sometime.

One day, she wanted to buy banana, so she took her husband to the shop…

Because her husband speaks Spanish very well.

Hey, if you didn’t like that one here’s an alternate version of the same joke:

An American man gets a Thai bride. Ostracized by both their families they start a new life in Spain. As neither of them spoke Spanish, each time the wife wanted to buy chicken legs, she would pat her thighs to enable the seller understand her… This went on for some time. One day, she wanted to buy a banana, so she just dropped trou.


#250

#251

“Here’s to the little cabin boy,
That dirty little nipper,
He packed his ass with broken glass,
And circumcised the Skipper.”

Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson; 1805


#252

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/s480x480/15871914_847421372078537_5814540620110091039_n.jpg?oh=12ee0f0b2b1d3d9adcf49033a9af09d5&oe=58D92F25


#253

Why do lesbians have belly buttons?

To hold the tartar sauce.


#254

And Martha went on to found Black Reflections Matter


#255

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/1502540_958583947511140_6982729493260195540_n.jpg?oh=3b00b789d7477bb29c8212eaacc89c71&oe=5922FF02


#256

A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang bangs.


#257

How do you describe an Irish lesbian?

Gaelic.


#258

What’s long, hard and has cum in it?

A cucumber.


#259

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/dbddc405-c4d7-3653-82e6-978c458bfed5/snl-writer-tweets-that-barron.html


#260