Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I love analogies.
When she tried to sing, it sounded like a walrus giving birth to farm equipment.
She had him like a toenail stuck in a shag rug.
He works harder than an ugly stripper.
His success was like being pregnant; everyone said “Congratulations”, but nobody knew how many times he had been fucked.
Her eyes were like the stars, not because they twinkle, but because they were so far apart.
Their love burned with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection.
Avocados are the good fat, like boobs.
She was like a magnet; Attractive from the back, repulsive from the front.
And my favorite:
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes before it throws up.
I hate when I mix my metaphors and all hell breaks wind.
My fave: “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.” -five lionpoints for the cite.
First runner-up: Army laid into Ohio State the way a log hits the saw.
Sounds very Douglas Adams.
"You fantasize about my best friend, don’t you?"asked my wife.
“If given the choice…” I replied, “I’d rather have sex with you then her.”
“You mean ‘than’.”
You want some fuck?