I love analogies.
When she tried to sing, it sounded like a walrus giving birth to farm equipment.
She had him like a toenail stuck in a shag rug.
He works harder than an ugly stripper.
His success was like being pregnant; everyone said “Congratulations”, but nobody knew how many times he had been fucked.
Her eyes were like the stars, not because they twinkle, but because they were so far apart.
Their love burned with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection.
Avocados are the good fat, like boobs.
She was like a magnet; Attractive from the back, repulsive from the front.
And my favorite:
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes before it throws up.