Very punny indeed




Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn’t include a driver

Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it…




When I got my first universal remote control, I thought to myself, “This changes everything.”






Never challenge death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.



I keep getting Entomology and Etymology mixed up.

It seriously bugs me in ways I cannot put into words.


So I said to my doctor, “Doc, I asked all three of my boys what they wanted to be when they grew up, and they said they wanted to be valets!”

And the Doc replies, “Wow, that’s the worst case of Parking Sons disease I’ve ever seen!”


Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist asked if I’d like to be knocked out with gas, or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation


I relabeled all the jars in my wife’s spice rack.

I’m not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.


Tonight we go to the Autopsy Club!

It’s open Mike night!




hmm, this sounds familiar.


MIne was there first check the dates noooo yuuuuooooo


I wanted to ask how you were able to preemptively repost my post?



What do drain cleaner and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs