Culinary Lulz


#1

How to prepare Tofu:

  1. Throw it in the trash.
  2. Grill some Meat.

#2

I’ve been preparing tofu for years exactly like that.


#3

#4

I used to have lunch with a girl who liked tofu - I ate it cause I wanted to get in her pants


#5

Now THAT’s desperate!


#6

It would have been some fine high class pussy - unfortunately it was one of my few failures


#7

I’m sorry to hear that.


#8

I went vegan for a couple months to impress some NYC pussy

I mean, I TOLD her I was doing it. And I kept my promise when we ate together

I spent the weekend on her house in Astoria a couple times

By Sunday evening, my head would be light with the lack of decent food

I could barely read the drivethru menu at a Wendy’s 3 blocks from her house by then

I broke up with her when we went to a Brazilian bbq in my uncle’s house and she didn’t want to stay because of “stench of burned meat”


#9

I drank some cheap ass kiddie wine, might have been Annie Green Springs, kind of a forerunner to Wine coolers sweetened and awful, one night because hot chick was, oh my gawd I puked my guts out later.


#10

I was enjoying the most delicious burger at the food court.

A vegetarian looked at my burger and said, “You know, a cow died so you could have that burger.”

Mid-bite, I looked at his salad and responded, “Maybe he died because you keep eating all its damn food!”


#11

You could have told him the cow would have never been born if not fer folks eating cows

Wrap yer head around that


#12

#13

#14

#15

#16

#17

I found a nice French wine that has notes of rebellion and authoritarianism.

It’s called Pinot Chez.


#18

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/s851x315/16299288_1620691637957423_5881231906530888221_n.jpg?oh=17411f348a1034785496a076c03baf5a&oe=5903AB3C


#19

My girlfriend dumped me over my love for pasta

And now I’m feeling cannelloni


#20

Me: Oh no, I’m out of cumin
Me: Whoa, I did not see that c–
Me: Shut up.