Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey


If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you.




I believe we should make a better world for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.

(I don’t have a pic, but I saw this one on SNL back in the 80s in college)


If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that’s what he’s getting.



When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we’d all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn’t until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.